I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
