I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
