Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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