He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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