Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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