I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The Olympian is in my bed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
