Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
