you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
