This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
