I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
