Your tits are I can't wait for
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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