i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
