I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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