I have demons in me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
