so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
