Already got asked if we're dating
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
