its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
