did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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