i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
