By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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