yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
