So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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