Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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