Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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