Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
