My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
