I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
