hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
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He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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