It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
