i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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