I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
