We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
