Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need water and some morals
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
