i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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