How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
