Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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