I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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