No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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