Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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