once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
