i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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