My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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