Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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