Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
