I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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