Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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