dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just pee around me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
