okay pat passed out under dana's car
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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