I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize