There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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