we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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