it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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