Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
