last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
