Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
