I accidentally had phone sex last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
