See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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