I look better un-naked...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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