My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
