You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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