I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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