My hand turned me down
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
