A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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