Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM VODKA MAN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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