I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
