Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
