haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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