FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
